Bad Vibes Get Off Of Me

Happy Thursday All! I will start by saying today was incredibly stressful…but productive!

I started this Thursday as I do with most, very anxious and tired because Thursday tends to be a big work meeting day. This specific Thursday was even more critical than others, so it was filled with initially more dread on my end. I was thinking about how I could represent this day with a doodle and thunderstorms, tornados, and all types of chaos entered my mind. Then when the end of the day rolled around the same thing that happens most Thursdays dawned on me. Today was productive, and today was not as bad as I feared it would be, and today…I kind of kicked ass. I had this realization that I tend to associate the unknown and the challenging as fear when it can truly be an opportunity to grow.

I know that can all sound a bit stop and smell the flower-esque, and trust me…I know it is not easy to remove that instant fear trigger day to day. I had a 60-minute mini panic attack when thinking about the possibility of having a typo in my email that I knew did not have a typo…and I was terrified.

Life can be scary, life can be full of questions with answers you don’t have, and you might never have, or might not have for a while…and that’s facts, but life is also something that we can decide how to approach. I am going to be working on reprograming my fear triggers to excitement triggers (wish me luck), and I think it is worth a try for anyone struggling with daily anxiety (or anxiety in general).

I look forward to hearing about what some things that you have been scared of that might be exciting opportunities. Along with, some tips for trying to reprogram deep seeded anxieties? Also please let me know What is something you are proud of yourself for doing recently (great work ahead of time!)?

Have a beautiful weekend, and I will see you all next Thursday!

It’s You Not Me

Let me just tell you all., I am having one of those days that just won’t quit being stressful!!! I ran into a situation today that made me think about something I have trouble with at times. As a socially anxious introvert, I tend to internalize things (all things)…from the typo I made in a work email five years ago to sweating out my hair at the salon when I am trying to think what to say during a blowout. I realize most of this isn’t worth internalizing, it’s probably, in fact, detrimental to do so, but you know me.

That said, I have started to work on not internalizing when other people are assholes. I used to eat all of the toxicity said people would spew and spiral into a thought tornado (what did I do wrong…why did I do this…obviously everyone hates me), and I still do get worked up about dealing with confrontations like this. However, what I am learning to appreciate is there is no reason to be an asshole, except for the plain Ol fact that you are an asshole.

We can choose how to carry ourselves; we can decide if we want to deliver stressful or tense news in a pleasant and understanding way and if we want to barrel roll through with no empathy that is also a choice.

BUT GUESS WHAT! We can also decide to realize that that does not give said A-hole power over us. We can envision ourselves as a badass duck whos beautiful feathers refuse to absorb a-hole water (aka haterade). All joking aside, it can be hard, and it is something I still struggle with, but I feel pretty empowered knowing that it is a choice on my end how much of myself I allow to be affected by others (and I hope you feel the same).

How do you prefer to deal with the a-holes of your day to day life? I would love tips and tricks that I can try in real time. Have a wonderful week ya’ll and remember you have the power to choose! ❤

Feeling Schwifty

Happy Thursday Everybody!

We are almost to the end of the week, and while it has been crazy busy between work and personal projects, it has actually been a great week. Last weekend was the big 6th anniversary for my boyfriend and me. We decided to keep it pretty mellow and not go wild on gifts (as we had in the past). I bought some dinner (tacos obviously), and he got me Rick, and Morty themed Clue. As my photo this week might suggest I am an uber fan of all things Rick and Morty related.

Deciding not to spend money was a great call and made me want to share this in today’s post. I have found that spending has been a go-to for me when I am stressed. This “retail therapy” has done some significant damage to what I need to pay off (combined with my grad school debt), that I am working on chipping away one month at a time. It is so easy to slip into that habit, and it can be one that causes crazy anxiety and panic month over month.

I came to embrace the realization finally that you can have just as much fun on a budget (I mean excluding weekend trips to Disneyland…my favorite place). I have been exploring all things budget from Reddit, Pinterest, and beyond!

I know similarly to dealing with other challenging areas of life, it will take time to pay off the debt that I have accrued…but as I work towards that keeping it simple is going to be my daily mantra. Simple is fun, simple can be inexpensive and simple can help make a smoother future path for our future selves.

What are some ways you have found you deal with stress that might be counterproductive? What are some ways you have counteracted those habits? What budgeting /frugal tips do you all have?

I am looking forward to hearing some tips and tricks from all of you! Have a wonderful weekend! C’ya on Thursday (and keep it schwifty) ❤

Enough IS Enough

This week has been so crazy busy, and I have had moments where I noticed I had some toxic thoughts. These “toxic” thoughts can come out of nowhere…for example, I had to wash out my blow out and deal with my curls again, and I was feeling down on myself and my looks. At that moment, I had to remind myself not to compare myself to others when it comes to looks, lifestyle, and journey/timeline. It is so easy to get caught up in the prescriptive standards of society, but as I gently reminded myself, I am enough (and so are each of you).

I might have mentioned this in prior posts, but every one of us has days where we have limitations for whatever reason on what is possible to achieve. I am someone who has trouble with those limits in these moments (what will happen if I don’t do this…what will they think…just push through it), but listening to yourself and doing what you can IS ENOUGH!

That being said, you have to be honest with yourself. It is easy to hide behind certain comfort excuses when we are scared or apprehensive of approaching something on the to-do list. It is always important to grow and face your fears, and move forward when you are capable of doing so. I know I had had panic attacks when I was scared to go to a meeting or scared to address a big issue, and a flood of words came out of my mouth…I can’t…I’m not good enough…I need to escape this. Often I have not had the choice of not facing some of these things and found even though I was terrified once I got through it, I had amplified it in my mind to something much scarier than it was.

I have also had days where I just needed to stay in bed and would have made myself sick mentally (and perhaps physically) if I had not done so, and on those days staying in bed was enough.

We are all on our own journey, and we are all our own beautiful selves. If you need that reminder today, here it is! You are awesome, you are unique, and you are ENOUGH!

Let me know if you are someone who can listen to what your mind and body are telling you with ease, or if you sometimes struggle with it (like me)? Do you have any tips for being more in tune or at peace with going at your own pace?

See you next week ❤

Finding peace in the storm

There is that saying that sometimes the only way out is through and I truly believe that is what I lived this weekend. This weekend was a rollercoaster and overall a positive memory, but there were definitely trials and tribulations throughout. Not to mention only getting about 6-8 hours of sleep combined over 3 days (good grief)!

I remember several moments of the weekend that I would feel defeated in a moment, but when looking back I see that it was important to experience on so many levels.

For whatever reason, my stress levels (while high) have been maintainable, and I think some of that is me accepting the fact that I cannot run from anything that is going on in my life. I have to run at each challenge face on, and even though that is terrifying…I have been able to do it for the past few weeks.

I don’t know if it is channeling my thoughts in this blog, hearing from so many people that are in the same headspace, or just some good ole fashion exhaustion but I feel like I am now at the foot of a mountain going up instead of tumbling down.

In the past, I have had somewhat manic moments going from extreme depression to a manic excitement only to cycle back, and while I am nervous and know that A LOT of hard work is coming up I feel more grounded approaching it.

I am working on doing more yoga and meditation and being mindful from moment to moment to keep myself chugging forward without backstepping. I know it is completely possible (and highly likely) that I will backslide now and then but I am trying to except that at this moment.

Have any of you guys found that being bombarded with lots of stressors turns off your anxiety aggression at times? What helps you stay grounded?

Anywho, stay tuned for next weeks episode (I can be a completely new me)…Jekyll and Hyde much? ❤

These are a few of my favorite things <3

Raindrops on roses and quiet alone time, canceling plans and not being on phone time, hot gooey pizza and no big mood swings these are a few of my favorite things!

So I know I usually let out a big vent or personal struggle I have been dealing with, and while there has had its fair share of those things this week, I figured I would pay homage to some of the things that keep me calm in the storm.

Thankfully this week has been full of tacos, loving supportive talks and progress. This weekend I will walk the stage for my graduation (which I am pretty darn proud of), and even though this weekend comes with its own set of complications, I wanted to apply some gratitude to accomplishments and good things overall.

I realized since I always post on Thursdays when I am at the peak of the weekly stress I haven’t had an opportunity to share some of my calmer (typically weekend moments). I have been actively working on carrying some of my weekend calm over to the weekdays, or at least not falling into a 6 pm Sunday sad spiral because Monday is on the horizon, and I have to say that even though I still feel over my head, this week has been a step in the right direction.

It is always important to acknowledge the good, even though as we know it will be up and down as we make our way through the rollercoaster that is life.

For those of you reading, I would love to hear what some of your favorite comfort or happy place things are, and what was the last progress milestone you made (it can be just getting out of bed sometimes).

Either way, let’s take a moment to be grateful and think on our next steps in the right direction.

Happy Thursday, and chat with you all next week ❤

Saying YES to NO

As a wise woman Meghan Trainor once said: “Nah to the ah to the, no, no, no.” I have found that it can be tricky to use this scary big (little) NO word when it comes to work, social engagements and beyond. There are a lot of responses that it can be easy to dread when you say no…

AM I GOING TO DISAPPOINT SOMEONE…WILL THEY HATE ME…THIS IS GOING TO BE SO AWKWARD…I SAID NO LAST TIME…

Trust me I get it, and it is something I struggle with daily, but that being said, I have realized that a lot of what I am scared of is in my head. While it is good to put yourself into new situations and don’t let fear prevent you from growing, you also need to take care of your sanity. It is good practice, to be honest, if you don’t want to do something, or if you don’t feel capable of taking something on.

Even though no can be a scary word, it is short and getting it out there is like ripping off a bandaid in most cases (at least it has been for me). With social engagements, it is much less awkward to say no in the beginning than to cancel last minute, and you can always brainstorm or think of alternatives you might be open to trying. At school or work when you might not have as much control, if someone is asking if you can do something be honest, but even if it is not a question let someone know how you feel before it becomes a landslide. I know I have been in a place where things continue to accumulate until I have some mental explosion, and that is something I am actively working to avoid.

This is something I expect will take some time for me to get comfortable with as well, but I know that it is possible…one baby no step at a time.

For those of you reading do you have trouble with being honest about when you don’t want to or don’t feel like you can do something? Have you found any tips and tricks for making this easier?

Have an amazing rest of the week, and I will chat with you all next Thursday! ❤

#RoughWeek

I will be the first to say this has been a rough week.

I have been exhausted, emotional and a bit all over the place. I was stewing in this weird state when I knew I had to share/talk to someone about it. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to open up for a multitude of reasons. You feel silly, you logically know that you “should” be fine, you don’t want to bother other people, but just as you wouldn’t hesitate to have a bandage for a cut or to ask for medical help, it is just as ok to open up about your mental space to loved ones and/or a therapist.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what value is created by sharing certain things, but once I do open up, I find that it is invaluable. Having an outside perspective (outside my mind) can help me break huge, scary, monster anxieties into smaller blocks. Even if it doesn’t being able to be in your real state with others is cathartic for me. I find that I frequently have defense mechanisms, or specific protective masks on, which it is exhausting, especially in times of high stress.

While my current real state might be highly anxious, tired and drained, I am grateful that I am in the presence of loved ones who not only appreciate me no matter the state but that fully inspire and embrace that truth wherever it may lay on the emotional map of my day to day life.

I am curious, for those who are reading about how you have dealt with sharing your anxiety or more difficult feelings with others? Has it helped you?

Either way remember you are not alone in your struggles, and it is ok to feel what you feel and be who you are every damn day!

See you next Thursday ❤

Self-Care(ful)

Let me start by saying it is ALWAYS necessary to practice self-care! I feel like sometimes I have to be hit by a wall of heavy crap or fall apart before I am like wow I need to practice self-care. I mean there is maintenance stuff I do such as working out, cooking and now this blog…but I mean allowing yourself to rest, relax and pamper yourself.

Something that I have been working on and something that I think is important for everyone to realize is that you do not need a reason to “treat yo-self.”

You don’t have to earn self-care; it is a vital part of a healthy life and should be practiced regularly. Everyone will have their idea of what self-care means. For me, it can be ordering a delicious pizza with my boyfriend and watching tv, sleeping in, doing some art, or just taking a look at the Reddit front page. I have been better at being ok with myself doing these things when I feel like I want to.

With that said I have noticed some personal habits that border on some “trigger word behavior” ESCAPISM…AVOIDANCE…DIFFUSION…oh no! Sometimes it is easy to blur the lines between self-care and coping mechanisms/distraction. I have noticed myself indulging in some retail therapy, oversleeping, and hiding in a few ways from facing some daily stressors. While it hasn’t become a significant issue in my life, it isn’t a pattern I want to keep participating in. Sometimes it is easier to fall into these comfort and dopamine releasing activities, but in the long run, doing this every day becomes expensive emotionally, financially, and when it comes to being able to handle things on a day to day bases.

Bottom Line is that daily self-care is something we should all be doing, but make sure it is a self-care routine that adds value to your life (sometimes just laying in bed adds a lot of value to my life) and makes sure it is not a way for you to avoid dealing with your life. Running away (while tempting) does not mean your problems will vanish, it often means that you will have a larger…and scarier wall once you are forced to face it head-on. It is good to occasionaly give yourself a really nice ocassional treat be it a fancy dinner, a new outfit a full day in bed, but these should be treats and not crutches for us to lean on.

I am hoping that some people are reading through this, and if you are let me know in the comments what your favorite self-care practices are, and if you have found yourself falling into unproductive habits ever masked as self-care?

Have a great week, and see you next Thursday ❤

Filter Fever

I consider myself a Snapchat grandma, and by that I mean I find looking at my face in filters entertaining but I don’t know how to use the bulk of the tools there. Ninety percent of the time I will screenshot the snapshot image (or download) and text it to my boyfriend (or mom) if it is cute enough.

That being said, I do REALLY enjoy looking into those beautiful filters and say god I am so cute.

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL WHO’S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL!?!

As I am enjoying the many ethereal versions of my face one or two things usually happen.

  1. The filter drops and I am exposed to my flawed and poorly angled face. This exposure is usually followed by me making some startled face and shaking my face until the filter realigns.
  2. I have spent way too much time staring into the filter hole, and I get up to pee where I am exposed to my FPAF (flawed and poorly angled face).

Recently, my boyfriend has mentioned how I don’t need those filters; and how beautiful I am without them. #NoFilter, and this got me thinking.

What is wrong with how we look naturally…and what does morphing my face into prescribed beauty perfection doing for my body image?

I took a look at several articles (my interest was peaked), and found that social media filters have been causing really scary levels of body dysmorphia ( a mental disorder in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that, to others, is either minor or not observable.)

Not only did I understand how that could happen…I realized it had been happening to me. The bottom line is that while perfection does not exist, you are perfect at being you and it is ok JUST TO BE YOURSELF!

It’s not easy sometimes, and gosh dang it, I know how fun those filters can be, but keep it fun don’t let it make you think any less of yourself. Practice looking at yourself and pointing out three good things every morning and night, limit your filter usage and practice NSL (Natural Selfie Lovin) every once in a while. I know I am going to give it a try!