#RoughWeek

I will be the first to say this has been a rough week.

I have been exhausted, emotional and a bit all over the place. I was stewing in this weird state when I knew I had to share/talk to someone about it. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to open up for a multitude of reasons. You feel silly, you logically know that you “should” be fine, you don’t want to bother other people, but just as you wouldn’t hesitate to have a bandage for a cut or to ask for medical help, it is just as ok to open up about your mental space to loved ones and/or a therapist.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what value is created by sharing certain things, but once I do open up, I find that it is invaluable. Having an outside perspective (outside my mind) can help me break huge, scary, monster anxieties into smaller blocks. Even if it doesn’t being able to be in your real state with others is cathartic for me. I find that I frequently have defense mechanisms, or specific protective masks on, which it is exhausting, especially in times of high stress.

While my current real state might be highly anxious, tired and drained, I am grateful that I am in the presence of loved ones who not only appreciate me no matter the state but that fully inspire and embrace that truth wherever it may lay on the emotional map of my day to day life.

I am curious, for those who are reading about how you have dealt with sharing your anxiety or more difficult feelings with others? Has it helped you?

Either way remember you are not alone in your struggles, and it is ok to feel what you feel and be who you are every damn day!

See you next Thursday ❤

Self-Care(ful)

Let me start by saying it is ALWAYS necessary to practice self-care! I feel like sometimes I have to be hit by a wall of heavy crap or fall apart before I am like wow I need to practice self-care. I mean there is maintenance stuff I do such as working out, cooking and now this blog…but I mean allowing yourself to rest, relax and pamper yourself.

Something that I have been working on and something that I think is important for everyone to realize is that you do not need a reason to “treat yo-self.”

You don’t have to earn self-care; it is a vital part of a healthy life and should be practiced regularly. Everyone will have their idea of what self-care means. For me, it can be ordering a delicious pizza with my boyfriend and watching tv, sleeping in, doing some art, or just taking a look at the Reddit front page. I have been better at being ok with myself doing these things when I feel like I want to.

With that said I have noticed some personal habits that border on some “trigger word behavior” ESCAPISM…AVOIDANCE…DIFFUSION…oh no! Sometimes it is easy to blur the lines between self-care and coping mechanisms/distraction. I have noticed myself indulging in some retail therapy, oversleeping, and hiding in a few ways from facing some daily stressors. While it hasn’t become a significant issue in my life, it isn’t a pattern I want to keep participating in. Sometimes it is easier to fall into these comfort and dopamine releasing activities, but in the long run, doing this every day becomes expensive emotionally, financially, and when it comes to being able to handle things on a day to day bases.

Bottom Line is that daily self-care is something we should all be doing, but make sure it is a self-care routine that adds value to your life (sometimes just laying in bed adds a lot of value to my life) and makes sure it is not a way for you to avoid dealing with your life. Running away (while tempting) does not mean your problems will vanish, it often means that you will have a larger…and scarier wall once you are forced to face it head-on. It is good to occasionaly give yourself a really nice ocassional treat be it a fancy dinner, a new outfit a full day in bed, but these should be treats and not crutches for us to lean on.

I am hoping that some people are reading through this, and if you are let me know in the comments what your favorite self-care practices are, and if you have found yourself falling into unproductive habits ever masked as self-care?

Have a great week, and see you next Thursday ❤

Filter Fever

I consider myself a Snapchat grandma, and by that I mean I find looking at my face in filters entertaining but I don’t know how to use the bulk of the tools there. Ninety percent of the time I will screenshot the snapshot image (or download) and text it to my boyfriend (or mom) if it is cute enough.

That being said, I do REALLY enjoy looking into those beautiful filters and say god I am so cute.

MIRROR MIRROR ON THE WALL WHO’S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL!?!

As I am enjoying the many ethereal versions of my face one or two things usually happen.

  1. The filter drops and I am exposed to my flawed and poorly angled face. This exposure is usually followed by me making some startled face and shaking my face until the filter realigns.
  2. I have spent way too much time staring into the filter hole, and I get up to pee where I am exposed to my FPAF (flawed and poorly angled face).

Recently, my boyfriend has mentioned how I don’t need those filters; and how beautiful I am without them. #NoFilter, and this got me thinking.

What is wrong with how we look naturally…and what does morphing my face into prescribed beauty perfection doing for my body image?

I took a look at several articles (my interest was peaked), and found that social media filters have been causing really scary levels of body dysmorphia ( a mental disorder in which you can’t stop thinking about one or more perceived defects or flaws in your appearance — a flaw that, to others, is either minor or not observable.)

Not only did I understand how that could happen…I realized it had been happening to me. The bottom line is that while perfection does not exist, you are perfect at being you and it is ok JUST TO BE YOURSELF!

It’s not easy sometimes, and gosh dang it, I know how fun those filters can be, but keep it fun don’t let it make you think any less of yourself. Practice looking at yourself and pointing out three good things every morning and night, limit your filter usage and practice NSL (Natural Selfie Lovin) every once in a while. I know I am going to give it a try!

Kill Bill(s)

Mail was always such an exciting thing when I was a kid. I remember being pretty jealous that my parents got so much mail, and I got 1-2 checks a year for special occasions and the junk mail when I was growing up. I would tell my parents how popular they were and how I wish I could get the same amount of mail as they did. #kidsaredumb.

It wasn’t until I had reached full-fledged adulthood that I really got to reflect back and come to the realization that all of this mail “treasure” I had guilted and complained about were Bills!

As an adult just getting out of grad school bills are a MAJOR reality of everyday life…and can literally take the breath out of you (and your wallet) at times. Let’s be real and admit most of us have had that wonderful feeling of having that payday cash in your pocket, which we quickly follow with the responsible and proactive feeling of paying off your bills followed by the fun wave of realizing how much debt you have left to pay combined with the fact that you are now pretty dang broke till the next payday when we start this exciting dance all over…its fun I know!

It can be easy to become disenfranchised when you feel like you are in this cycle, and it is normal to feel panicked or overwhelmed at the idea of this being an unending spinning ride. Personally, I feel all of the above, however, I am working on tricking my mind into a healthier processing place with this.

Not to sound prescriptive…but for me personally being mindful (or trying to be mindful) is something that can occasionally take the edge off. Yes, it might be more effective going into the weekend because the Monday and Sunday blues are further away but it gives me some extra staying power throughout the week. I think that what works for each person will differ but my mindfulness go-to list is:

Taking a walk while listening to music or an audio story
Eating something healthy slowly (i.e.) apple
Yoga & Meditation (POWER COMBO)
Taking a shower and singing really loud
…and let us not forget that sometimes it is ok to just do nothing

Listen to yourself, but if you are feeling stagnant it can be helpful to try to throw something new & fresh to push you into functioning…at least until we win the lotto and then we can just become forever couch potatoes…just kidding (kind of).

Thirty, Worried and Trying

morecoffee-1

Here we are…

I remember being a little girl watching all of my favorite films where your thirties meant a beautiful house, husband, children and fancy AF social events with your girlfriends every night…as 13 going on 30 put it “Thirty, Flirty and Thriving”!

I have come to realize that my 30s are going to be a completely different scenario than projected. I am functioning (outwardly), and by that I mean I have a stable job, an adult-ish apartment, a wonderful boyfriend and a few degrees. However, I am full of what you might call inward facing issues.

IAD

And before we start diving into what breathing exercises, journaling, and exercise might help…I have tried them all.

With that said, I am starting to realize that while I am terrified of being a so-called “adult” so are 99% of the people out there. FYI most people don’t know what the fuck they are doing and are just trying to figure that shit out as they go.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE…despite our infinitely small place in the universe as a whole. While I rarely feel alone per se, I frequently feel like I am living in a world where I am fighting against myself to fit into being what a thriving 30 something woman should be…and want a safe space to say the real blunt un-sugar-coated realities of what growing into being alright with being my anxious and introverted self.

It is ok to be who I am…It is ok to be who you are…we got this!