Smoke and Mirrors

First of all, let me say I am sorry I have been MIA for the last two weeks. The past month has been a rollercoaster of ups and downs for me, and I needed to practice what I preached with some good old fashioned self-care.

Now that I am back, there is so much I want to catch up on. While I have been away, I have aged up a year to 33 (which feels pretty neat). I spent a restorative unplugged birthday with my boyfriend camping on an Island with the wolves singing us to sleep. When the time came for us to return to the city (and real-life), I had to mentally prepare to face quite a few things that have been scary for me.

Number one is facing changes. Without going into detail, there is a ton of massive life change going on right now. Now much of this is still in flux, and outwardly much of it is positive, but I am going to be real AF and say I am freaking out. It is incredibly frustrating to have news that seems great throw me into panic attacks and tears on the regular. I am very aware that letting fear prevent us from growing as humans is a nono, but the perfect storm of imposter syndrome, general and social anxiety, bouts of low confidence and fear of instability are making me feel like I am on the edge of a tipping point over a black abyss.

I have always been a bit of an overachiever, due to my anxiety, (I am still not sure if that is a pro or a con). Part of what comes with that is positive reinforcement and trust. It is very confusing to my brain when people trust me in ways that I do not trust myself, and it is something that I walk a tightrope line on almost daily currently.

I think overall the rollercoaster of up’s and down’s along with pushing myself outside of my comfort zone has put me into a mentally, emotionally, and creatively exhausted state. I feel like I have been spewing out every part of me and I am left with fumes and a long way to go (hence this weeks doodle).

There are so many things that I hope I can share with my readers in more detail soon, but all in good time.

I would love to know how do you guys deal with imposter syndrome? How do you learn how to trust yourself in places you don’t feel confident in? How do you work on building confidence, and has it been useful?

Thank you for your patience with me, and for supporting me by following and dropping messages! If anyone is stuck in their own emotional storm right now please know you are not alone, and if at the bare minimum you can always reach out here to talk things out in a safe space.

Love you all as always, and I will chat with you next Thursday (If I don’t implode) ❤