Feelin Myself

I can’t lie, I have been pretty damn proud of myself this week. As Lizzo would put it I literally was 100% that bitch this week. Life has its ups and downs, but I am starting to feel (dare we say it) confidant. I am bumping up my self-trust and bumping down my guilt, and it has been great!

Who knows how long it is going to last, but I will tell you what I hope is forever…and a day. As any of us dealing with mental health disorders know it is an ongoing rollercoaster, but I say this if we allow ourselves to drive ourselves insane in the downs then we should make sure also to enjoy the highs.

I also want to re-emphasize two big points!

Numero uno: Having a trusted support system (friends, family, significant others, therapists, and beyond) is lifechanging. I spent almost thirty years of my life somewhat hiding everything I feel, and it is beautiful to know I can talk to my cheerleaders and confidants whenever I need to, and that I can be honest about where I am…and have that be ok.

Secondly, it is so essential for us to continue the conversation about mental health care and mental health conditions because of real talk none of us are alone in this!

This is a short post, but I love you all! Please let me know what you have accomplished recently that you are proud of. If your week isn’t going great, please understand that this is ok as well. I am frequently a ball of tears and tissues, and I know I will be one day again (hopefully far in the future).

I will talk to you all next week! ❤

Bad Vibes Get Off Of Me

Happy Thursday All! I will start by saying today was incredibly stressful…but productive!

I started this Thursday as I do with most, very anxious and tired because Thursday tends to be a big work meeting day. This specific Thursday was even more critical than others, so it was filled with initially more dread on my end. I was thinking about how I could represent this day with a doodle and thunderstorms, tornados, and all types of chaos entered my mind. Then when the end of the day rolled around the same thing that happens most Thursdays dawned on me. Today was productive, and today was not as bad as I feared it would be, and today…I kind of kicked ass. I had this realization that I tend to associate the unknown and the challenging as fear when it can truly be an opportunity to grow.

I know that can all sound a bit stop and smell the flower-esque, and trust me…I know it is not easy to remove that instant fear trigger day to day. I had a 60-minute mini panic attack when thinking about the possibility of having a typo in my email that I knew did not have a typo…and I was terrified.

Life can be scary, life can be full of questions with answers you don’t have, and you might never have, or might not have for a while…and that’s facts, but life is also something that we can decide how to approach. I am going to be working on reprograming my fear triggers to excitement triggers (wish me luck), and I think it is worth a try for anyone struggling with daily anxiety (or anxiety in general).

I look forward to hearing about what some things that you have been scared of that might be exciting opportunities. Along with, some tips for trying to reprogram deep seeded anxieties? Also please let me know What is something you are proud of yourself for doing recently (great work ahead of time!)?

Have a beautiful weekend, and I will see you all next Thursday!

It’s You Not Me

Let me just tell you all., I am having one of those days that just won’t quit being stressful!!! I ran into a situation today that made me think about something I have trouble with at times. As a socially anxious introvert, I tend to internalize things (all things)…from the typo I made in a work email five years ago to sweating out my hair at the salon when I am trying to think what to say during a blowout. I realize most of this isn’t worth internalizing, it’s probably, in fact, detrimental to do so, but you know me.

That said, I have started to work on not internalizing when other people are assholes. I used to eat all of the toxicity said people would spew and spiral into a thought tornado (what did I do wrong…why did I do this…obviously everyone hates me), and I still do get worked up about dealing with confrontations like this. However, what I am learning to appreciate is there is no reason to be an asshole, except for the plain Ol fact that you are an asshole.

We can choose how to carry ourselves; we can decide if we want to deliver stressful or tense news in a pleasant and understanding way and if we want to barrel roll through with no empathy that is also a choice.

BUT GUESS WHAT! We can also decide to realize that that does not give said A-hole power over us. We can envision ourselves as a badass duck whos beautiful feathers refuse to absorb a-hole water (aka haterade). All joking aside, it can be hard, and it is something I still struggle with, but I feel pretty empowered knowing that it is a choice on my end how much of myself I allow to be affected by others (and I hope you feel the same).

How do you prefer to deal with the a-holes of your day to day life? I would love tips and tricks that I can try in real time. Have a wonderful week ya’ll and remember you have the power to choose! ❤

#RoughWeek

I will be the first to say this has been a rough week.

I have been exhausted, emotional and a bit all over the place. I was stewing in this weird state when I knew I had to share/talk to someone about it. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to open up for a multitude of reasons. You feel silly, you logically know that you “should” be fine, you don’t want to bother other people, but just as you wouldn’t hesitate to have a bandage for a cut or to ask for medical help, it is just as ok to open up about your mental space to loved ones and/or a therapist.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what value is created by sharing certain things, but once I do open up, I find that it is invaluable. Having an outside perspective (outside my mind) can help me break huge, scary, monster anxieties into smaller blocks. Even if it doesn’t being able to be in your real state with others is cathartic for me. I find that I frequently have defense mechanisms, or specific protective masks on, which it is exhausting, especially in times of high stress.

While my current real state might be highly anxious, tired and drained, I am grateful that I am in the presence of loved ones who not only appreciate me no matter the state but that fully inspire and embrace that truth wherever it may lay on the emotional map of my day to day life.

I am curious, for those who are reading about how you have dealt with sharing your anxiety or more difficult feelings with others? Has it helped you?

Either way remember you are not alone in your struggles, and it is ok to feel what you feel and be who you are every damn day!

See you next Thursday ❤